the difference between us

here's something i want to chat about, spiraled by the few incidences i've observed / experienced over the weekend: i feel that some singaporeans and singaporean parents are sometimes an uptight bunch. i know this statement may offend some, but it is an inescapable conclusion i come to, after seeing the differences in parenting style between local parents and expat parents myself. and i hope i may be entitled to an opinion, because this is what it is, an opinion - not a generalisation.

yesterday morning while standing in line in the long and slow-moving queue at popular bookstore, i was in between a pair of caucasian parents with two girls in front, and a singaporean mom behind me with her son and daughter. one of the caucasian girls was sitting on the floor next to her dad, reading a book they were gonna buy, and i noted neither parent made a fuss. most singaporean parents would be fussing for the kid to stand up, and not sit on the floor cos its dirty, etc etc etc. right? =)

but i find that most expat parents are more relaxed, and less freaked out about these things. they don't sweat the small stuff. a totally different story was going on behind me, and the boy wasn't even sitting down on the floor or anything worth freaking out about! he was standing next to his mom, holding up school supplies they were getting. but i think in the one minute that i was peeling my ears to listen to what's going on behind me, the mother must have dished out over five orders.
"boy, don't move, you'll drop the things", "girl, stand here", "boy, stand still", "girl, don't touch that", "boy, hold the things properly can!" and so on and so on.

i wonder: is there a need to be in total control all the time and order our kids to do as we say? and can't we just let our kids be kids? they're not robots!

you know, on friday, dray and i had stepped out just as the rain simmered down, but i had still put him in his wellies and his raincoat, because i know he loves jumping in puddles after the rain! so as usual, while waiting for the bus, i let him have his fun splashing and jumping into puddles. you will not believe the frowns and disapproving looks i was fed by the people at the bus stop - typically the aunties. it was as if i was committing a deadly sin, letting my son get wet playing with the puddles.

why are some people so uptight? yes, my son is getting his jeans all wet, but daaaang, how often does he get to have fun like this? and water dries up anyway! if we can't let our kids enjoy the simple and free pleasures in life, like walking barefooted in the rain, or jumping in puddles, or catching tadpoles in drains, what kind of sad, sorrowful childhood are we forcing them to grow in?

i had an ex-expat-boss, and we use to go for dinners at her place, she lives in a house in taman warna with a huge garden in front. and her nine-month old daughter back then is usually in her diapers only, playing on the lawn, with the water hose, making mud and rolling in the mud! the little bubba was always giggling and chuckling from pure fun! i used to admire her for being such a care-free mom, and i had vowed to adopt a similar attitude when i have kids of my own.

so i don't flip out when dray picks things up while he toddles along (except for maybe cigarette butts and tissue paper, but he doesn't pick these up anyway, heh) or when he trips and tumbles and decides to continue laying on the floor. i think these are just small stuff not worth losing our head over. i see some parents go all weird and shrill when any of the afore-mentioned happens, and i think they really need to loosen up a bit, lol!

i think children should be allowed to have fun, and sometimes fun can be dirty. yes, we need to be careful sometimes, for the sake of their health, but i suppose if we can find a balance between what is still okay and what is extreme, then perhaps our children will have a less stressful childhood, and one that is not filled with so many "do-this-and-dont-do-that!" commands.